Hi, my name is Mae and I’m fine, at least that’s what I tell people. Most people I talk to regularly know that I have things going on inside my head, they therefore also know that I am not fine. I have Major Depressive Disorder, Bipolar Depression II, and Generalized Anxiety Disorder. I have been dealing with at least some form of depression and anxiety as long as I can remember, which isn’t very far seeing as my brain decided that it’s better for me not to know what has happened in my past. This has been hard, I struggle doing everyday things. I can’t go to a mechanic alone, starting email threads are a living nightmare for me, I panic when I see someone calling me, and I sometimes have to force myself out of bed to get to class or work. Despite all of this and the physical toll it takes it seems as though no one realizes that I am sick, mental illness is just that, an illness. You don’t ask a diabetic to eat an entire cake and enforce it, so why should you force someone with anxiety to talk to someone that makes them so uncomfortable that they panic? It doesn’t make sense. In these situations, all I can think about is how to get out of there, how to escape the onsetting panic and self-doubt. I know a lot of people with mental illnesses want to be treated normally and can do fine that way but for those of us who don’t function as well, it’s really hard. Despite the fact that I am ill, I am told that my illness isn’t real by those who don’t understand my illnesses. I am told that I need to think more positively, I need to stop letting things get to me, and the list goes on. I can’t do these things, I am sick because of chemical imbalances in my brain. You can’t just tell your brain to fix itself, that is not how mental illness works. When I am in a depressive episode, it’s because my brain isn’t producing the proper chemicals. When I am having a panic attack, it’s because there is a stressor that I usually can’t even identify that is causing my flight or fight instincts to kick in. When I am in an episode of mania, it’s because my brain decided to splurge on unnecessary chemicals. None of these are things that I can control, therefore I am sick. Some diseases are preventable but yet when people get them they are treated like real ailments by bosses and such. When I am ill due to uncontrollable circumstances, I get told to snap out of it. Mind you, I have been to psychologists and tried medicines but not everything works for everyone and I just wanted to point out a couple things that I have noticed. I know that not everyone will feel the same and I respect that, this is just my opinion and much like assholes, everyone has got one.

“All it takes is a beautiful fake smile to hide an injured soul and they will never notice how broken you really are!” -Robin Williams